I couldn't tell what time yesterday the dip in my feelings occurred, but it followed me right into the evening. I wasn't sure that I could shake it. In fact, I should have been celebrating: I met a few team mates and advanced on a project that same afternoon and I was able to help guide one to another level in her business. Celebration-worthy. However, my subconscious was firing rapid shots: maybe you shouldn't be vulnerable and expose your weaknesses, maybe you are overthinking, may be what you are doing isn't important enough. Like I said, I don't know which door crack those thoughts dipped under, but they entered like invited guests.
What I did notice and am grateful for is that my default reaction had changed. I no longer sit in extended periods under the low cloud of feelings. I engage. Not only that, in those brief seasons, the wisdom to elevate myself always come running, like it did again this morning.
Let me explain.
1. Writing (Journaling, Scriptures & Affirmations)
My default reaction was to journal to get up in the faces of these emotions, track their origins and uproot them with my bare hands. I noticed that sometimes there is the temptation to dump positive words and scriptures; this very thing I knew that is temporary. For me, to make these words effective, they have to be a sealant and not a covering. Once the culprits were identified, I mixed a batch of scriptures and positive words and cemented the gaping hole.
2. Sounds & Sermons
Feelings are intangible so I also deal with them on a spiritual level. I listen and I speak. If I am low, I now automatically build up myself by focusing on faith. That the evening, I gobbled up Gotta Love It, a July 22, 2020 sermon by T.D. Jakes. In doing so, I assessed my beliefs, reinforced them and filled myself up. I was reminded of my uniqueness, things to be grateful for and my purpose. It's restorative to be reminded that "in Love, I live and move and have my being."
Earlier in the day, I weaponized myself with songs. Songs also move me and I get the correct dose of the powerful lyrics that align with my philosophies.
In addition, the low cloud had severely diminished by the time I plugged into my Golive session with Master Trader, Curtis Kobane. Why? I know he is soul-deep funny, engaging and intellectually stimulating. His sessions bring such awareness to the mind, you are an absolutely different person each time. I am grateful that I can surround myself with people who are truly themselves and are not tip-toeing, wondering if their being silly would be severely judged.
I had identify the sources of those feelings, but I chose to be moved, to come off the raft and not drift off in the emotional ocean for days and days. Lo and behold, Eric Thomas handed me the thumb tack. His video summarized my shifts in energy. It's about to be on and I am grateful for the clarity. I am adding consistent intentionality.
What are two things that move you internally? COMMENT BELOW
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Hello, I'm Rochelle, curator of saltfish & Lace, a St.Martin lifestyle blog that oozes with the sticky sweet love for the written and spoken word, natural Caribbean living and of course, natural hair.
Learn More About My Debut Poetry Collection HERE